Inspiration at 65
On the recent July 1st weekend, when Montreal temperatures were soaring to around 40° and the humidity had jacked it up even higher to a Timbuktu-like 42° in our kitchen, I sat in the somewhat cooler basement room and watched a video of 60-year-old long-distance swimmer, Diana Nyad talk about her failed attempt to swim from Cuba to Florida.
I had recently had cataracts removed from my eyes and my own lenses replaced with nifty, artificial bifocals. But my eyes were in the very early stages of healing, so I was not seeing well. And by some unfortunate glitch in scheduling, I had also had dental surgery just before the long weekend. So with these three minor, but unsettling surgeries behind me, I felt vulnerable and out of focus.
Magnifying this feeling of vulnerability was the frightening experience of a home invasion… Just days before the two eye surgeries and the dental work, I found a man in the kitchen early one Sunday morning with a hammer raised in the air. He wanted my car. Neither my husband, John (who arrived on the scene later) nor I wanted to give it to him. In the end, we all survived the event after John chased the man out of the house with a knife and a baseball bat. But I was left feeling fearful. Then, a couple of days later came the eye surgery, and then some painful dental work.
In the months prior to this, I had been creating a new concert called, Blood Orchid: How Women Feel. After looking through hundreds of cover songs, I had it narrowed down to 25 powerful songs (including several of my own) about the rich, complex and sometimes wild & zany emotions that we women feel about our lives in these dangerous times. I also intended to tell a brief behind-the-scenes story about each song. Thus, a concert of songs and stories.
I thought the idea had real potential. But even with months of work under my belt, I still felt unfocused and unsure about this exciting, but no doubt time and resource-consuming project.
I am 64. Soon to be 65 in September.
I’ve been a professional singer for many years. At 64, to my surprise, I find that my singing voice is in very good shape and getting better. And my story-telling skills on stage have become sharply honed after years of practice. Recent performances of my previous shows were well-attended and very well received. But I am not a big star. And I always take my time in hatching new concert ideas, so I am not commercial fare.
A long-time friend, who had been working as my agent/manager had retired. Thus it was not easy to maintain any kind of performance momentum. But to be fair, it seems that in these days of “free” music, even celebrity singers are climbing up a similar sliding-down hill.
But back to Diana Nyad and her unsuccessful attempt to swim 110.86 miles from Cuba to Miami without a shark tank. It would have been a first. But after years of preparation and training, with a 35-person team of experts accompanying her, Nyad was pulled out of the water after sustaining a second (during that swim) and near fatal lashing from a box jellyfish – an unexpected danger in those waters.
What she said to the TED talk audience after describing at some length the extraordinary hazards of attempting this particular swim, both surprised me and gave my heart a punch. Humble but unbowed, first she quoted the fine American poet Mary Oliver:
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Then she said with great conviction: “…I don’t want to be the crazy woman who….tries and fails and tries and fails and tries and fails……, but I can swim from Cuba to Florida, and I will swim from Cuba to Florida.”
Her next TED talk that slid into fuzzy view on my laptop screen was from four years later. It was her victory speech after completing that same swim – Cuba to Miami – successfully at the age of 64. At the end of the talk, she advised others who have a difficult project in mind to never give up and to FIND A WAY!– three words that served as her mantra as she prepared for this final swim.
I am writing in some detail about the wondrous Diana Nyad because her words and attitude gave me the push I needed just at the right time. I don’t think I am alone in feeling the need for a bit of a sisterly shove at this point in my life. I hear from numerous friends and colleagues that 65 can be an important and somewhat perplexing milestone in a woman’s life – in terms of feeling purposeful, and perhaps even simply, useful. Some women complain of becoming invisible around this age. Not heard. Not seen.
I don’t mean to say that all women have trouble with being 65. Or that all or even many women are seeking routes to continue or even ramp up (like me) their paths of artistic expression. Some, perhaps many women are happy to ramp down. To do things that are more personal, more family oriented. One of my closest friends said to me as she neared 65, “Barbara, I’m happy to simply retire and rest.”
In some ways, I wish I felt the same. But I still need to sing. Both body and mind seem to crave that particular kind of transcendent expression – the act of sharing deep feelings through great music with others. And perhaps making their hearts beat a little faster, too. The great vocalist Nina Simone put it this way: “How do you explain what it feels like to get on the stage and make poetry that you know sinks into the hearts and souls of people who are unable to express it?”
And so I have decided to launch my own “Find A Way” project with my concert, Blood Orchid: How Women Feel. Nyad had a 110 mile swim to complete. For me, it will be an evolving series of performances over 27 months – Sept, 2018 (I turn 65 in September, 2018) – December 2020.
These concerts can be multi-sized: i.e.: very small, medium, or large. And multi-venued: i.e.: homes, clubs, concert halls. I could sing with a large troupe of formidable musicians. Or with a lone pianist onstage. Or just by myself with good tracks and a portable sound system. This will take some travel through Canada and a lot of organization. So I am remarkably fortunate that my intrepid and ebullient husband, John encourages my dreams.
I want to share not only these inspiring women’s songs and stories (in English, French & Spanish) with audiences. But where possible, I will also add visuals to the mix. Thus there will be art by women floating on a screen behind me – each visual connected to a specific song or story.
Diana Nyad feels she is in the prime of her life now, at 66. I too have hopes beyond simply continuing to share my voice and ideas beyond my mid-60’s. My bigger hope is that in doing this, other women who have not found much encouragement in life recently will take heart and begin to do something a bit daring of their own.
Poet extraordinaire, Mary Oliver says it well: “When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.”
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Concerts are currently being booked and will be announced as they are finalized.
But if you are part of a group that would find this concert intriguing, please write to me here, or if you would like us to let you know should we be performing in your area, send us your location and email for a personal notification!