The Contrarian – guest column by Jerry Black
“How to Stay Positive” – A Negative View?
“How To Stay Positive”
Every magazine, every excuse for a periodical in circulation, other than those that bring you actual news – or the one’s designed to amp up your sexual fantasies, and have no need of such a banner on the front cover to promote their offerings – has a budding journalist on board, who must – MUST – come up with a story, interview, piece of any kind which will permit them to plaster some version of the “How to stay positive” message on the face of their next issue.
Why? Because it will sell.
The following, taken from the glossy covers adorning the magazine racks, all fall into the same category, in my view. See if you agree:
– How to Make Your (Husband, Wife, Children, Mother-in-law) Appreciate You
– What to Do when Your (Husband, Wife, Partner) Ignores You
– Feel Good about Yourself Through (Yoga, Meditation, Medication, Body-building , etc.)
And so on ……
First off, I’m not suggesting that there aren’t good articles with some golden nuggets of advice cached therein. I’m not even going there – I don’t care about the articles. Instead, I believe we need to be asking ourselves, “Why do they sell?” or, more specifically, why do we, as a culture, community or individuals, buy?
Are We Blind to The Real Positives?
The answer is that we often don’t see/recognize positives in our lives. This is not entirely our fault – we’re offered negatives, continuously, as entertainment, to the point that we begin to copy the actions and reflections of non-real, but highly negative personas.
Many of the most-watched television shows offer up (in the name of reality) the saddest examples of human misery and incompetence imaginable: people who hoard and live in filth; life’s losers who want you to know about their sorrow, anger and grief, their drug-induced stupidity, their desire for revenge. They all reflect negativity and ultimately cause damage, particularly to the young, for the young need examples of what to be.
Even the fully scripted shows with the best of writers seem to depend on the worst in the human character to drive the interest. Gone is the belief that an honest, positive character will sell – and so that character has all but disappeared.
The simple fact is that no one – no one – has ever learned “what to be,” (or how to stay positive) from watching endless hours of what they know they don’t want to be. Parents make that mistake – some believe that showing the dark sides of drug use, teenage pregnancy, etc… will somehow produce happy, healthy, well-adjusted teens.
Sorry – it doesn’t work that way. Children copy. They copy you.
How To Stay Positive – What To Do
If you are positive in your actions and attitude, and keep them away from negative messages in the home, they will eventually copy your behavior – or, at the very least, begin to relate to you as a positive person. That’s one of the best reasons for a parent to stay positive – not an easy task.
So, what to do, if we don’t recognize the positives in our lives, and are not near a magazine rack??
The title of an old Elvis Presley tune gives a suggestion: “Stop, Look and Listen”.
Take note of what messages are most prevalent in the home (which are repeated most often). If the TV is on all the time, for example, then it will likely win the frequency contest. Turn it off until there is something that you all want to watch together. It then becomes a positive (as would just about anything that you all do together) – depending on what you choose to watch, of course.
Is That Me Talking?
Listen to the sound of your own voice – that’s the only one over which you have complete control. Are your messages ones of praise or condemnation? Of gentle persuasion or strident demand? Of anger, or of happiness and mirth? In short, positive or negative?
Often, the tone of your voice will drastically affect the response that you get. Speaking in an angry or upset tone will most likely elicit similar-sounding responses, or perhaps, responses designed to calm you. Either way, any hope of honest communication is lost.
Listen to others just as carefully. Once you are satisfied that you are addressing others in a fair and positive manner, you then have to demand the same from them – gently, of course. Change does not come overnight.
How To Stay Positive in a Lasting Way
These changes must come in the home first, but must not be confined to there. Look particularly carefully at all the people with whom you communicate. Friends, co-workers, family outside of the home; they all need to be part of the change.
Some people may not like your new, more positive persona. They can change, or they can play a smaller, less intrusive part in your life – and in some cases, they may have to be sacrificed on the altar of positivity which you are creating for you and your loved ones.
Each of our lives contains many positives, which, at the start of the article, we decided we might not be able to see. Much the same as going to a 3-D movie without the glasses – “What’s the big deal – I don’t see anything different”!
I’ll bet that once your home is filled with harmonious voices, and many of the old negative sounds and attitudes (and even people) have faded away, you will see more positives than you believed possible! Lush green grass doesn’t change color when a dark cloud obscures the sun – it just appears that way to you.
One last positive – look at all the money you’ll be saving on magazines!
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“The Contrarian” Columnist, Jerry Black is an ex-Montrealer who resides in a low, dark domaine in Ingersoll, ON, suitable for pontification of that nature. He is happy to be “Upright and sniffing the air” – (Stephen King.)